Chaos and no sleep

It has been a couple of weeks since I last blogged....mostly because I have had non stop screaming babies! For example, right now as I sit here typing I can hear Addison throwing a fit in the living room. No reason of course, she is fed, clean and comfy. She's just crying because she wants to be held and she wants to hear the sound of her own voice(which might I add is one of the most annoying cries I have ever heard in my life). She makes this buzzing bee sound and it is SO loud. Ashlyn just quietly squeaks when she cries and it is much more pleasant. Anyway, back to my story. When we went for our 3 week check up the doctor told me that he wants us to start pushing for 4 hour feedings during the night. So, we did....that night we fed at 9:30/10pm and didn't do it again until 1:30/2am. It was a little hectic....Ryan slept on the couch. The next couple of nights actually went pretty smooth and I thought it might be the beginning of them sleeping longer through the night. WAS I WRONG!! Now every night they both wake up at least 30 to 45 minutes early, wanting to eat. I am such a stickler for the schedule and I won't feed them, so I try to make them cry it out. LETS REGRESS BACK TO THE ANNOYING CRY.....I have learned to just turn off the baby monitor and try to sleep. Addison just gets louder and louder though. Most of our house is tile and it echos down the hallway and all the way to our room(which is the complete opposite side of the house). I am seriously afraid the neighbors can hear her. I have now started feeding them half formula and half breast milk for EVERY feeding. The doctor told me that formula doesn't digest as quickly, so they don't get hungry as fast. The other night they both woke up crying. It was about an hour and a half before they were scheduled to feed. There is nothing worse than when they BOTH wake up at the same time...they were crying, I was crying, and we all fell asleep on the couch. I have only been averaging between 2 and 3 hours of sleep a night since that doctor made us change this schedule....they were doing so well before then. DAMN HIM!!

What is more frustrating is that they still are too little to really play with. I guess because they were premature?? They eat and fall right back asleep. I got out one of our swings and one play mat to try to get their attention. They do look at it and seem to enjoy it for about 5 minutes but then they go right back to sleep. The frustrating part is that I talk to other moms who sit around and interact with their kids and it makes me feel lazy and like I do nothing to stimulate them and help them learn.

We still can't take them out anywhere...I guess the most we have done was spend the day at my parents house. Ryan changed electric companies the other day and TXU turned off our power before the other company took over our account. So I packed up and took the girls to Grandad and Mom Mom's house for the day. It was nice actually...they pretty much took all the feedings(16 of them to be exact). I had the day off to just sit there...what I should have done is caught up on sleep!

So far, being a mom is great though. It is WAAAAY harder than I ever imagined. I don't know what it is like to have only 1 baby...but I no longer have sympathy for moms who say they are tired(when they have only 1 baby). THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TIRED IS!! I still cry a lot because I am so stressed and tired and overwhelmed. I get upset sometimes that Ryan goes to work all day and leaves me alone...it makes me feel like a single mom. But at the same time, I know he has to work to make money to support us! I appreciate how determined he is to build his business and make a life for us....I just wish he could sometimes do it from home!!! But now that we got our final bill in from the hospital, he needs to go work!! I had mentioned before that our health insurance doesn't cover maternity costs. SO, our final bill that we have to pay is over $22,000. SO WORK WORK WORK, Ryan....all you need to!!

On another note, I have started to work out again. I have about 15 pounds left to lose before I am back to my pre pregnancy weight. I go to a boot camp 3 days a week and I have started going back to my personal trainer 2 days a week. Now if I could only get rid of all this extra skin....WHEN DOES IT GO AWAY? I totally thought that a month later it should be tightening back up but it isn't!! I guess we will have to start a tummy tuck fund! I have a funny story about all this skin...no one told me that even though you lose the weight, it doesn't mean you will fit back into your pants!! Reality hit me SMACK in the face the other day when I thought I could put them on....I couldn't even get them over my ass!! My maternity pants are too big, but my old pants are too small....it made for a quick shopping trip with my mom. I am now sad to say that I went from a size 2 to a size 8. I guess it will get better, but that number just blows my mind. UGH, it makes me want to go jogging right now!! So now I've been told....DON'T TRY ON YOUR PRE PREGNANCY PANTS FOR AT LEAST 3 MONTHS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH WEIGHT YOU'VE LOST OR HOW GOOD YOU THINK YOU LOOK!! *Thanks Hayley for the wisdom!!

Ok, enough of my complaining. I just needed to vent my frustrations and since everyone that reads this blog is a mom, I figured you all would understand. OH, one last question...I've heard that you can start giving a little bit of rice cereal at about 2 months old, to help them sleep better. IS THAT TRUE? I need your advice...